


Jealous

by silenttrees



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunken Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, Hinata Shouyou is a Good Friend, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Please Don't Kill Me, Sad with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Crush, not that it's mentioned but kuroo has internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:42:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenttrees/pseuds/silenttrees
Summary: Kenma has a confession to make, but Kuroo has already left. It's too late.(Alternatively: Kenma and Kuroo stop talking and Kenma has to deal with the regret of not confessing when he had the chance.)
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 113





	Jealous

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Jealous by Labrinth. It doesn't have a happy ending, but I put one in anyways because I couldn't leave them all sad.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Yaku asks Kenma one day. The two are not insanely close, but if Yaku has to deal with seeing the two silently love each other any longer, he might just lose it. Kenma looks at the libero as if he had grown another head. There was no way he could tell him. 

Of course, there were many times that Kenma had wanted to confess to Kuroo, but how could he? Not with all there was at risk. He could lose his best friend, and that wasn’t something he thought he could handle. 

“We’re going to graduate soon, you know. If you don’t tell him, he could go off to college and go date someone else,” He continues, despite the lack of response coming from the second year. 

“If I do tell him, I could lose him.” A sigh. “Forget it.” 

“You’re going to regret that someday. I promise you, you will,” Yaku shakes his head as they get back to practice. 

* * *

At nationals, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him.

On graduation day, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him. 

* * *

On the day that Kuroo was set to leave for college, he came to visit Kenma one last time. 

“Kenma! I got you something,” Kuroo says as he walks in with a box in his arms

He sets down the box and opens it. Out jumps a small black kitten. 

“Why?” Kenma tilts his head, as if he could not possibly understand why Kuroo would get him a cat, of all things. 

“I just thought you might get lonely without me around. Your parents agreed and said I could get it. They already have the stuff for him,” Kuroo smiles at the blonde. 

The two sit in silence as the cat walks toward Kenma. 

“Sooooo, what are you gonna name him?” Kuroo asks. 

“Kuro.” 

“Why?”

“He’s supposed to replace you, right?”

“What? No! I’ll be with you forever. What are you actually gonna name him?” 

“... Still Kuro. He looks like you.” 

“He does not!” 

“Does too.”

“Does not.”

“Does too.”

“Whatever. I have to get going,” Kuroo sighs as he stands up. Kenma stands with him to give him a hug. 

The two hug for a while before breaking apart, Kuroo turning to leave the Kozume house to begin his trip to his college. 

“Kuroo, wait!” Kenma calls out. 

Kuroo turns and waits for whatever Kenma has to tell him. But, Kenma faces an internal battle on whether to tell him or not. 

“Kenma?” 

“Oh… um. Nevermind. I’ll miss you,” Kenma stumbles over his words to make something up. 

“I’ll miss you, too.” Kuroo says before walking out the door for the last time. 

Kenma slowly sat on the floor, staring at the door. 

Of course, even on the day Kuroo would leave him, he couldn’t even confess. 

* * *

Kenma’s third year of high school was much more difficult than he thought it would be. 

Sure, he had gone his third year of middle school without him, but this was different. Back then, he could still go home at the end of the day and see Kuroo, but now Kuroo wouldn’t be meeting him after school. 

He wouldn’t be there at practice, instead Kenma would have the responsibility of being the captain of Nekoma. 

Those days at school would be long without Kuroo, but at least he could still text him. It’s not like he had disappeared from his life completely, he had just moved away. _So why did it hurt so badly?_ If Kuroo wasn’t gone completely, why did it sting every time Lev would ask about him? 

But eventually, he found it a little easier to get through the days once he got used to Kuroo being gone. 

That is, until Kuroo began to stop replying to his texts. Their nightly calls became less and less frequent. “How is Kuroo-san?” Lev would ask and Kenma would have issues answering. It was the first time Kenma began to think he didn’t know Kuroo that well anymore at all. 

* * *

“I have a girlfriend,” Kuroo says on one of their night calls. 

Kenma’s heart stops. He always knew this would happen, but how could he possibly ever be prepared for it. 

“Kenma? You there?” Kuroo’s voice rings through the phone speakers. 

Kenma fakes a yawn before replying, “That’s really good, Kuroo. I’m glad you’re settling in. I think I’m going to head to bed. We have an early practice tomorrow morning.”

“You scheduled an early practice?” Kuroo asks accusingly, as he knows Kenma would never do such a thing, even for the sake of the team. 

“Yeah, the team asked for some. Anyways, goodnight Kuroo,” He quickly replies before ending the call. 

The silence in the room was deafening as he sat in the room, thinking about what could have gone different if he had confessed. Would they have been in love? The silence became too much, it seemed, because he quickly picked up his phone. 

_{you}_

_are you awake?_

_{shoyo}_

_yeah. what’s up ???_

_{you}_

_call ok?_

_{shoyo}_

_of course_

“Hi-”

“Kuroo got a girlfriend.”

“What?” 

“He has a girlfriend, Shoyo. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m so sorry, Kenma. Anything I can do?”

“No. I just needed to talk to someone. I needed to tell someone.” 

“Okay. If you think of anything, tell me. I’ll always be here for you, Kenma.” 

“I know, Shoyo. Thank you.” 

And as the call ended, Kenma began to understand just what Yaku meant when he said he would regret not telling him. 

* * *

Kenma stared at the rain that pelted his window. He stared across to the park that he and Kuroo used to spend all their time at when they were younger. He thought of a time when Kuroo and him played at the park, another when Kuroo convinced him not to quit volleyball, and the rainy day that Kuroo told him he was leaving. 

He thought of how dumb Kuroo looked with his hair matted in the rain. He thought of how he complained to Kuroo about how they were out in the rain. He thought of the raindrops that pelted their skin then. 

Oh, how he longed to touch his skin now, as the rain did then. He longed for Kuroo to be back with him. He longed to hug Kuroo. 

He longed to make Kuroo his.

* * *

It’s at practice when Lev asks again, “How is Kuroo-san?” The team goes silent, as they’re all curious. It’s been a long time since Kenma has said anything about their old captain, and everyone wants to know why. 

“We haven’t talked in a while. I don’t know,” Kenma replies bitterly. 

It’s not as if he hadn’t tried to talk to Kuroo. He wouldn’t drop him just because he got a girlfriend. Kenma and Kuroo had called a few times after that night but it died out quickly after that. Kenma tried calling him a few times, but to no avail, as Kuroo didn’t answer his calls anymore. And soon after, he stopped answering his texts as well.

“What? You haven’t talked to Ku-” Lev starts before being cut off by Fukunaga. 

The team all shared a look. The two they once knew had been split apart by time and distance. 

* * *

Kenma sat in his apartment alone, no one but his cat to keep him company. He couldn’t sleep. Once upon a time, he would’ve called Kuroo instantly. But Kuroo wasn’t his anymore, he couldn’t do that. 

He scrolled through his social media, seeing as Kuroo posted another happy photo with his girlfriend. He felt a pang of an emotion he didn’t seem to recognize. 

His head ached as he glared at the pictures. He found a photo of the two laying together watching a movie. He wished it was him. He longed for the boy he had fallen in love with all those years ago, now no more than a stranger. 

He longed for the nights that they spent together, once upon a time. How they would stay up playing video games, just because Kenma wanted to. Or the times they would watch movies together. Or even when they would call each other late at night when Kuroo left him.

The night time used to be theirs and theirs alone. He wanted it all back, but they didn’t even speak anymore. 

_Jealousy_ . He thought to himself. _That’s what this is._

* * *

Life without someone you spent every day with is hard. Kenma found ways to move on. He started his own company, started making youtube videos, and started doing streams to pass the time. All to forget. 

“Thank you for the sub, kodzufan,” Kenma says as he reads the feed while in the lobby. 

He waited for a while, scrolling through questions his fans are asking him.

“What’s my favorite food? Easy. Apple pie,” He answers. 

He continued answering fan questions, playing a game and then sitting in the lobby to find another. The usual routine for this time of stream. 

His phone lights up on the desk. He’s not expecting a call. And he’s not expecting a call from _Kuroo_ , of all people. 

“Sorry, I have to take this call, I’ll be back. Go get some snacks or something, I don’t know,” He explains to the stream before muting his mic and turning off his facecam. 

“Kuroo?” He asks, confused, when he answers the phone. 

“Yea! Hi Kenma. Listen I know we haven’t talked in forever, but there’s no one else I’d want to tell when something important in my life happens,” Kuroo starts. 

“Okay. It’s… it’s okay. What happened?” _It really wasn’t okay. Kenma missed Kuroo more than anything, but why lose his chance at bringing him back into his life._

“So, I proposed to Ami and she said yes! Hey, will you be my best man at my wedding? You’re just really important to me, I want you to be my best man,” Kuroo rambles excitedly. How could he not be excited? He was getting married. Of course he’d be married. Of course he wouldn’t understand the pain that he was bringing Kenma as he called him. 

“Um… yeah. Anything for you, Kuro,” Kenma agrees, shakily, as his throat seemed to close on him. 

“Are you okay?” Kuroo sounds concerned. He couldn’t possibly understand. Kenma didn’t tell him anything.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine. I’m actually streaming right now. Call you back later?” Kenma stammers out, trying to keep his voice steady. 

“Oh gosh! Yeah, of course! I’m sorry I didn’t know you were on stream. I should have checked, sorry. Talk to you later,” Kuroo rushes before hanging up. 

Kenma sat in silence, staring at nothing but the blank screen on his phone. He took a few deep breaths to clear the aching feeling in his chest and throat before picking up his headset again. Clicking the buttons to unmute his microphone and turn the facecam back on, Kenma apologized to his fans. “Sorry it took so long.” Deep breath. “I wasn’t expecting a call.” 

After that, Kenma is on stream for about 20 minutes, doing okay at the game but bad compared to how good he usually is. He can’t seem to focus. It seems like all the work he’s put in to forget that everything around him is falling apart, crumbling before his eyes. This life without Kuroo was just starting to work out, but it seems like this is just too much. 

He died for the 5th time in the game. His viewers are starting to question what happened. His gaming is subpar and he’s reverted to the less sociable youtuber that he used to be, even if it’s been a short amount of time.

But he starts to pick it all back up. Answered a few fan questions in the lobby and played well the next round. The stream had gone back to normal, until a fan asked about the phone call. Kenma brushes it off with a small, “It was nothing,” before the next round started. But that doesn’t do anything to stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes before he even noticed. 

“What’s wrong?” His fans begin to ask. “I’m sorry. I’m going to have to end the stream a little early today. Thank you for watching,” He says quickly before ending the stream. 

It’s then that he finally breaks down. He slides off his chair, sinking to the floor slowly before a harsh sob rips through the silence in the room. Kenma cries for what seemed like hours. He knows he’s lost Kuroo for good then. 

Once he’s finally run out of tears, he grabs his phone from the desk and sees notifications from Shoyo. 

_{shoyo}_

_kenma???_

_I watched the stream_

_are you okay??_

_kenma?_

_I’m worried about you._

_call me whenever you see this. please._

Kenma calls Shoyo immediately, who answers almost as fast as possible. “Kenma? What’s going on? Are you okay?” He rushes as soon as he answers, clearly waiting for kenma to call him since the stream ended. 

“He’s getting married, Sho.”

The silence from the other side of the phone tells you almost everything you need to know. This is a shock to everyone. 

“I should have fucking told him, Shoyo. I’m such an idiot. I’ve lost him. I’ve lost him for good now. This is all my fault. I should have tried harder or something,” Kenma cries into the phone. 

“No! This isn’t your fault. He should have responded to you back in your third year, but he didn’t. That’s on him, not you.”

“Whatever. I’ve lost him now. It doesn’t matter.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” Hinata asks. 

“Will you come with me to the wedding? I don’t think I can do this on my own.” 

“Yeah. Of course.” 

The two sit in silence on the phone for a while before Hinata speaks again. “Kenma? You know I’m always here for you, right? I know you bottle up a lot when it comes to what happened with Kuroo, but I’m always here for you. Always.” 

“I know, Shoyo. Thank you. I’m going to bed now. Don’t stay up too late.” 

“Hey! That’s my line. But goodnight, Kenma.” 

“Goodnight.” 

Kenma sits on his bed after hanging up, his cat jumping on the bed to curl up next to him. 

“At least one Kuro is mine, still.” He sighs before curling up with his cat and crying himself to sleep. 

* * *

As the best man, Kenma has a lot of responsibilities, including helping Ami and Kuroo plan their wedding. 

“Your hair is still as long as ever, huh?” Kuroo laughs when he sees him. 

Kenma frowns at the comment. Frowns at how the boy laughs with him like they used to. Frowns at how his hair is still the first thing Kuroo notices, as it’s always been his favorite part of him. 

Kenma is there for almost all the planning. To pick tuxes, to pick cake flavors, to pick table settings. 

Kenma is also there to shoulder all the pre-wedding stress that Kuroo is having. He does his best to alleviate his worries. He would do anything for Kuroo as long as it means that he’s happy. Even if it means fighting back tears with a smile.

It’s during the planning period that he sees just how wonderful Ami is. He can understand why he loves her. She’s a wonderful person truly. 

It’s after a long day of helping Ami plan a honeymoon surprise for Kuroo that he calls Shoyo. 

“I can’t hate her,” He tells him. 

“What?” 

“Ami. I just can’t hate her. She’s too nice. She genuinely cares about him. He’ll be safe with her. I have to give him up. She’s just too good.” 

“I thought you were going to stay friends with him after the wedding?” 

“I can’t. I want him to be happy. He’s happy without me, Shoyo. He doesn’t need me.” 

“Kenma! Why would he call you to be his best man if he’s happy without you?” 

“Then why did he leave me in the first place?!” Kenma shouts suddenly. 

Hinata is silent. Kenma has never shouted in front of him, let alone at him. 

“Shoyo, I’m sorry. I just… think his life is better without me. I’m just jealous of the way that he’s happy without me.” 

* * *

Kuroo’s bachelor party doesn’t have any strippers or anything. Neither Kuroo nor Kenma thought that tradition was a good one. It’s far from a traditional bachelor party, as Kuroo didn’t seem to think that marriage was like losing his freedom. No, instead of partying, he and his groomsmen pulled out some board games and video games. Of course, there were some drinks there too, but it was mostly focused on the games.

At the party, Yaku pulls Kenma aside while Kuroo, Bokuto, and Lev are screaming, playing Smash Bros Ultimate. Tsukishima, Akaashi and Kai watch from on the couch. 

“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” He accuses Kenma. 

“Unfortunately, yeah.” Kenma replies. 

“You should have said something. He loves you, you know. He just doesn’t know it.” 

“Don’t be an idiot! He doesn’t and he never will.” 

“Sure. Then why did he call you to be his best man after you guys haven’t talked in forever? Even if he doesn’t realize it, you will always be the first person he runs to. He left you because he was afraid, I just know it.” 

“Well, it’s too late, Yaku. He’s getting married. So just drop it. It doesn’t even matter anymore.” 

“If it doesn’t matter, then why are you crying?” 

Kenma reaches up to his face then, to find tears falling from his eyes. 

“You put up a good act around Kuroo, Kenma. But you’re not going to fool me.” 

“Shut up, Yaku. Go back to the others already.” 

Kenma sits in the hallway, trying to stop his tears from falling. He knows that he’s already watched Kuroo slip through his hands. 

Kenma wanted to hate Ami, but he couldn’t. He wanted to be jealous of her. But mostly, he was jealous of the way that Kuroo loves her. Loves her so deeply that he would marry her. And here Yaku is - claiming that Kuroo loves him deep down, unknowingly. 

It was all too much for Kenma. 

* * *

The day before the wedding, Kenma goes to the salon. His hair remains Kuroo’s favorite feature of his and he needs to get rid of it.

He has to let go of Kuroo, he knows it. And he knows that this will help. Or at least he hopes it does. 

For the entirety of the time that he had been without Kuroo, he refused to cut his hair because he thought it might get the boy back. He’s no longer his. He will never be his. 

**Snip.**

The hair falls to the floor. A silent goodbye. 

* * *

“Kenma, what did you do to your hair?!” Kuroo yelps in surprise when Kenma shows up to the venue. 

“I just cut it, Kuro. Calm down.” 

“But you never cut it. You’ll be anxious.”

“I’ll be okay.” 

“... Okay.”

The two converse before Kuroo goes to change into his tux. 

The day of the wedding had finally come. Kenma stood with Kuroo in the room with Kuroo as he began to freak out a bit. 

“Kuroo! It’s okay. Just sit and take a deep breath. You love her and she loves you. It’s all going to go great, I promise,” He attempts to remedy Kuroo’s panic. 

“I know, I know. I’m just worried, is all. I don’t know why. What if I’m making a mistake or something?” Kuroo rambles as he sits and puts his head in his hands. The statement rings in Kenma’s ears, bouncing around in the walls of his brain. 

_You are making a mistake._ Kenma wants to say. _Please, I love you. Stay with me. We can be happy. You love me, right?_ But he can’t do that to Kuroo. He wants him to be happy. Even if the cost is his own feelings. Even if it means he can't be happy. 

Kenma’s love for Kuroo is so deep that he’d throw away anything for the man that stands before him. This is why he answers with: “You’re… you’re not making a mistake. You’re going to be very happy together.” He sighs and kneels before Kuroo, grabbing his hands before continuing. “You can be anxious, this is a big thing. But don’t think you’re making a mistake just because you’re anxious.” 

Kuroo nods, and soon enough, they’re lining up for the beginning of the ceremony. Kenma stands closest to Kuroo, as he’s the best man. He fights his tears during the ceremony. He can’t cry in front of all these people.

But it just happens, as he watches Ami and Kuroo kiss, solidifying their marriage. He’s happy for them, but there’s something boiling inside him. He already knows it’s jealousy he’s feeling. It’s a bittersweet feeling, knowing the person you love is happy, but knowing you’re not the reason why. 

He walks Kuroo away, along with everyone else as they prepare for the reception. “Kenma? Why are you crying?” Kuroo asks. 

“I’m just really happy for you, Kuro.” _Not exactly a lie, he is happy for him. But he is struggling with all of this._

After everything is set up, Kenma sits at his designated table with Shoyo. The younger boy shoots him a look, to which Kenma shakes his head. He can’t talk about it. Not right now. 

There are people serving food at the buffet and everyone is eating. Kenma doesn’t have much of an appetite that day, so he doesn’t get very much. But then Kuroo comes up to him. “Did you see the surprise?” Kuroo asks. 

“What surprise?” Kenma furrows his eyebrows. He can’t imagine what surprise there would be for him at Kuroo’s wedding, of all places. 

“I know you helped Ami and I sort out the menu, but I added something as a gift for you without you knowing. Go check the dessert table,” Kuroo smiles at him excitedly. 

Kenma walks to the table to see what in the world Kuroo is talking about. He’s hoping that it’s not what he thinks it is, but he knows without a doubt that it is. Kuroo knows him too well. 

Warm apple pie sits on the serving table. Kenma feels his throat run dry and he struggles to answer the server who asks if he wants any. He decides to get a slice, knowing that Kuroo wouldn’t leave him alone if he didn’t. 

Kuroo beams at him as he walks back to his designated table. “Do you like it?” Kuroo questions. 

“Of course, Kuro.” 

But Kenma’s heart burns. It feels like it’s going to burst. And even after a long while of Kuroo going back to his own table in front of all the others, he stares at the pie in front of him. Leave it to Kuroo to ruin one of his favorite things by accident. He couldn’t possibly be mad for this. He knows very well that he was trying to do something nice. He knows that Kuroo cares about him. 

“... you okay?” Shoyo’s voice snaps him back to reality. Kenma swallows and nods. He has to be okay. Today isn’t about him. 

Kenma eats the pie. It’s probably the last one he’ll ever have. There’s too many memories of Kuroo attached to it. 

Kenma sighs, as people are starting to finish their food. He hates giving speeches. He hates attention. But he’d do it for Kuroo. And he has to, as he’s the best man. 

He stands, taking a deep breath as Shoyo holds his hand for moral support. He squeezes Kenma’s hand before he takes a step. Kenma walks to the microphone on the stage. 

Seeing Kenma walk to where he’s supposed to go for his speech, Kuroo clinks his glass to get everyone’s attention. Kenma grabs the mic from the stand. 

“Hi, everyone. I’m Kuroo’s best man. Kozume Kenma, if you didn’t know. I’ve known Kuroo since we were little.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t like speeches, but I’ll do it for Kuro. Thank you for picking me to be your best man. Who would have thought that we’d get this far. Many people don’t know this, but Kuro was actually quieter than me when we were kids. I know that sounds incredibly shocking to anyone that knows him, but it’s true. He moved in next door when he was 8, shy as ever. He got better over time, we played video games and volleyball. He started to make new friends, becoming loud and energetic. I watched him become the Kuroo that you know today and I’m really glad that I could watch that happen. I’m glad you picked me for something so important. I’m glad you could share this with me. 

It’s been a great day. A beautiful wedding, with a happy couple. To Ami and Kuro, I wish you the best of all this world can give. And Ami, I know that you’ll make him happy. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. Take care of him, okay?

To the Kuroos.” 

He raises his glass. 

“To the Kuroos.” The crowd cheers.

In another time, it would be him and Kuroo getting married. He wouldn’t have to be jealous about anything. Kuroo would be his. 

But any hope of that died when Kenma failed to confess all those years ago. He cursed himself internally as he walked off the stage. He had to say goodbye and he knew it. He couldn’t hold on like this. 

Shoyo clutches onto Kenma’s hand as soon as he sits down. Hinata wishes he could take Kenma from all this pain, but he can’t. This is something he has to face alone. 

The night continues cheerfully. The couple shares their first dance. The celebration goes on. And eventually, it becomes time for Kenma to prepare Kuroo to leave for his honeymoon. Kuroo meets him in the dressing room once again. 

“So this is where I send you off, huh?” Kenma jokes with a twinge of sadness ringing in his voice. 

“Guess so.” 

“I’ll miss you.” 

“I’ll only be gone for two weeks, Kenma. You can talk to me when I get back.” 

“Okay. Call me when you get back in town then.” 

“I will. Hey look, about before… I know we stopped talking…” 

“No. We’re not talking about this right now. You’re supposed to be happy today.” And a note under his breath “One of us has to be.” 

“Okay. We’ll save that for when I get back, too.” 

“Okay. Be safe on your trip. And congratulations, of course.” 

“Thanks, Kenma.” 

The two walk out of the room, Kenma and the groomsmen dragging the couple’s suitcases behind them as the newlyweds walk to their exit car. 

And as Kenma watches the car drive away, he whispers to himself “Goodbye, Kuroo.”

* * *

Kuro doesn’t call after he gets back from the honeymoon. And while upset, Kenma knows that this is for the better. He doesn’t want to hurt Kuroo, but him sticking around isn’t much healthier for him. 

Instead, Kenma tries to move on. He dates a few people. Poly with Bokuto and Akaashi for a bit, but decides that it works better if they’re just friends. He dates random people for a while, but none last longer than a date or two. Eventually, Kenma ends up with Shoyo. He moves in with him, they share their nice house together and they live a nice life for the 6 months that the two are dating. 

But one night, Kenma comes home drunk. 

It’s not a usual thing that happens, but Kenma had an especially hard day of meetings with the company. He needs something to help him, he’s struggling on the inside and his life isn’t getting any easier. 

“Kenma? What’s going on?” Shoyo asks, standing up from his seat on the couch, where he was waiting for his boyfriend. 

Kenma practically pounces on the boy shouting, “Shoyoooooo! I missed you so much! I’m so glad you’re here.” 

“This is our house. Of course I’m here?” 

“Shoyo! I love you so much!” Kenma begins to cry. 

“Woah, Kenma. I love you too. Calm down, it’s okay.” 

“Shoyo, I’m so sorry!” The sobs get louder, somehow, as Hinata pulls Kenma to the couch. 

“What are you sorry for?” 

And it’s definitely a curse that Kenma is not only a sad drunk, but an extremely talkative one as well. Because he would not be able to reverse the damage that happened that night. 

“I still love Kuroo. I’m so sorry. I love you, but I still love him. It’s like no matter what I do he’s just everywhere. I’m so in love with him and there’s nothing I can do, Shoyo. I’m so sorry I thought I was over him. I love you, but I can’t keep doing this to you. You deserve better,” Kenma sobs into Hinata’s chest. 

And although the words sting a bit, Shoyo knows that Kenma isn’t lying to him. He knows that Kenma loves him. But he knows that Kuroo will always win. 

“It’s okay, Kenma. I understand.” 

Hinata rubs Kenma’s back until he gets him to quiet down. They walk to their bedroom where they get into the large bed centering the room. 

“If you can’t do this anymore, just let me know, Kenma. I know you’re trying. I still love you and we can be friends no matter what happens. You know that right?” Shoyo asks. 

Kenma nods. 

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Shoyo.” 

“You didn’t hurt me. I knew what I was getting into. It’s okay.” 

After that a silence befalls the two, and they fall asleep peacefully, spending one last night in each other’s arms. 

In the morning, Shoyo and Kenma break up, but Shoyo still lives in the house for a few months. The two still get along comfortably, and Shoyo only moves out to live with Kageyama, who he begins to date a few months after. 

Kenma doesn’t attempt another relationship after that. Instead, he buries himself in his company and streaming. 

* * *

It’s been 5 years since Kuroo’s wedding. Kenma pretends to be content that he’s alone. He talks to Shoyo often, but at the end of the day, he comes home to no one except his cat. 

He’s at home playing a game on the couch one day when his doorbell rings. Kenma looks at the clock, which reads 3:14 AM. _Who the fuck is here?_ Kenma thinks to himself. He walks to the door, checking who it is through the peephole. 

No way. 

No fucking way. 

He pulls open the door quickly. 

“Kuro?!” He shouts in surprise as the older man tackles him to the ground. 

“Kenma!! I fucked up. Oh god, I fucked up.”

“Are you drunk? Is that a suitcase?” Kenma asks as he sits up. 

Kuroo does not reply.

“Kuro, where are you coming from? What happened?” 

To no avail, Kuroo fails to reply once again. 

“Tetsuro!” 

This catches Kuroo’s attention quickly. Kenma only calls him that when he’s upset. 

“I came from Yakkun’s.” 

“That hardly explains much. 

“I told you, I fucked up!” Kuroo hits the floor in frustration. 

“Okay. Well. Let’s go sit somewhere more comfortable than the floor.” 

Kenma helps Kuroo up, closing the door as he moves to lead Kuroo to the couch. The two sit in silence for a while once they get there. 

“I fucked up,” Kuroo puts his head in his hands. 

“Seriously, Kuro. What the hell are you talking about?” 

“I made a mistake marrying Ami.” 

“Then why are you coming to me? We don’t talk anymore. I don’t understand why you’re here. You abandoned ME, Kuroo. You can’t just show up in my life whenever it’s convenient for you!” 

“I didn’t abandon you? You could’ve reached out after I came back from my honeymoon, but you didn’t. You left me!” 

“I reached out when you left for college and you ignored me time and time again! Why the hell would I put myself through that again? Tell me, Tetsuro. Why would I? Just admit that you only care about me when it’s convenient for you!” 

“I know that I fucked up okay? I know that I hurt you. I’m so sorry. If I could take it all back I would but I was just scared!” 

“What the fuck did you have to be scared about? You left me. I’m the one who lost you. And then you come and drag me back into your life all of a sudden for the wedding just to drop me all over again. What was the point? What was the point of any of this? Of you leaving me. Of you making me your best man. Of coming to my house drunk as hell. Of coming to complain to me that you fucked up. Of… of anything? I thought you cared about me, Kuroo!” 

“Of course I care about you! I’m sorry. I’ll apologize a thousand time if it makes it all better. I just want you back, Kenma. And I’m sorry I came here to complain to you, but I have something important to tell you.” 

“What? That you made a mistake? Big fucking deal, Kuroo! That’s your problem, why should I even care after what you’ve done?” Kenma turns away so he doesn’t have to look at him.

“The reason it was a mistake is because I love you!”

The room goes silent. Kenma whips his head around to look at the taller man.

“What did you just say?” 

“I love you, Kenma.” 

“No, you don’t. You’re drunk.” Kenma begins to walk to his room, not wanting anything to do with the conversation any longer. He feels like he’s going to cry or throw up. Or maybe both. He feels sick.

“Kenma, no. I really do love you. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it.” Kuroo reaches out to pull Kenma back to him, but the younger swiftly pulls his arm away before he can touch it. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“Okay. I’m sorry. Can we please talk about this?” 

“No! You know, I wanted you to come back so long ago. I wanted you to come back when you were in college and tell me that the world was so dark without me. That without me, you were lost. That without me, all you found was heartbreak and misery. But you didn’t. Now, I don’t want to talk about this until the morning. Until I know that this isn’t just you being drunk after a fight or something. You can take the guest room.” Kenma states angrily before walking to his room. 

* * *

In the morning, Kuro has a hang over, but wakes up and makes Kenma breakfast regardless. It’s the least he could do in the situation. He makes a plate before walking to Kenma’s room with it. 

Once he gets to the door, Kuroo freezes. In past times, Kuroo would normally just open the door, but they’re far from the people they used to be. Not exactly strangers, but unfamiliar just the same. He decides to knock instead. 

“Come in,” He hears Kenma’s voice ring from inside the room. He’s on his side, facing away from the door, petting his cat when Kuroo walks in. 

“I made you breakfast,” Kuroo says. 

“Thank you.” But he does not roll over to face Kuroo, instead continuing to face the wall. 

“I meant what I said last night. I lo-”

“Stop.” Kenma sighs before pulling his blanket over his head. 

“What? We can’t talk about this?”

“What about your wife?” 

“She’s the one who left me first. Apparently, Ami is a lesbian. And apparently, I’m ‘very obviously in love with the guy who was my best man’, according to her.”  
  


Kenma stays silent under his covers before rolling over and slowly peeking his head out. His eyes are filled with tears when Kuroo looks in them, and his heart breaks knowing that he caused that pain. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kuroo mutters softly, pushing Kenma’s bangs that have grown back away from his forehead. 

“How could I?” Kenma sniffles. 

“We’re both so stupid.” 

Kenma was already prepared to cry, but this statement was the catalyst to it all, as he quickly began to sob.

Kuroo reached out to touch the man, but pulled away his hand at the last second, remembering the words Kenma had yelled at him yesterday. “Come here, Kenma. Please,” He pleaded instead, sounding at the verge of tears himself. 

The younger lept into Kuroo, crying into his chest as he released the tension that had seemed to build up for years. Years without Kuroo. 

“I love you, Kuro,” Kenma cried. 

“I meant it, I’m serious Kenma. I love you more than anything. I’m stupid for not realizing it.” 

The two cried to each other as they held each other tightly. They wondered if this was truly something that could be fixed. There was so much pain that it seemed like there was nothing to be done anymore.

But eventually, Kenma calmed down enough to come up with an idea. 

“Kuro. You can stay here. But we can’t date for a while. There’s just too much to fix right now. I think we need to understand exactly what we’re dealing with. We haven’t talked in years and these things just don’t fix themselves overnight.” 

“That’s okay, Kenma. I understand. Thank you.” 

“Thank you for coming back. I missed you so much.” 

“I’m so sorry, kitten. I’m sorry that I didn’t come back any sooner. I’m such an idiot.”

“You are. But I’d wait forever for you.” 

* * *

The two stayed living together for a while. And it was only a matter of time before-

“Will you marry me, Kozume Kenma?” 

“Of course, idiot. I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Any feedback is always welcome. Comments/kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Have a nice day :)
> 
> Here is my twitter: @muiiichiro if you want to be freinds! New friends are always appreciated.


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